It’s been 7 months since my last post. I’d like to have an excuse worthy of my absence but in truth I’ve been procrastinating. I had felt guilty posting on this (self proclaimed) “infertility blog” with no real news towards the baby business. But I guess this teeny tiny chunk of the webisphere is really about our “adventure” right? So, guilt be gone!
The adoption with our original agency has ceased. We’ve since moved to a different approach by using a marketing and advertising agency. They help us with the home study, do our profile and find us a baby. The rest is up to us. This is a bold move but feel this may be a better approach for us. We are already 10 steps farther in 3 weeks than we were in 3 months with the other agency. We are thankful to the first agency for guiding us and opening our eyes to so many things.
Some of you are interested in the step by step process so here it is…
1) We filled out a very detailed online application (free – no one does that by the way)
2) We were contacted for an interview either by phone or in person – they happen to be only 20 minutes away so we met with the director for an hour long interview. We were introduced to the founders and coordinators and loved the facility. We left excited and hopeful. Hope we have not felt in many many months.
3) We were officially invited to join their program about 1 week later. We were thrilled knowing they only accept 6 new clients per month and there was only 1 opening remaining. Of course there are risks with any adoption – agency or facilitator. This is a decision you need to make before you sign the contract and send your check. It’s such a grueling thought process. Waiting families should never have to decide between money and the magic of holding a baby in their arms but the ugly truth is that it is so true. With adoption, money holds the key to love, life and happiness.
4) We received packets in the mail with homework and information on next steps. Already they’re coaching us on how to pack our bags for the hospital, what to say and not say to the birthmother, how to travel with a newborn… eeeek! This could be real… soon!
5) We secluded ourselves for an entire weekend to do our homework. We did “professional selfies” with my nice camera… I posed husband, focused, set the 10 second timer and ran! They were pretty alright for selfies 🙂 We had to dig through years of photos to find family, friends, individual, pet, holiday, vacation, hobby, and personality photos. Having a professional photography degree I am much more comfortable behind the camera than in front, so photos of myself are few and far between. We wrote our profile which was so incredibly difficult for me. The information on that page could make or break you. The birthmother could read one word or see one picture she doesn’t like and pass. The birthmother letter was the hardest… of course husband wrote his in 15 minutes and it was perfect. I stewed on mine for days and even after it’s been sent in I feel like it’s not good enough. Did I connect with the birthmother? Did I promise to make her Childs dreams come true?
5) We scheduled our first 2 (of 3) Home Study visits with our social worker. This is a loaded statement. There is so much paperwork involved in this. Classes to take, CPR certification required, fingerprinting with local, state, and FBI, birth and marriage certificates, fire evacuation plans to write, cabinets, doors and drawers to baby proof. The packet is over 50 pages. But we’ll do it and we’ll do it with pride and excitement. More on this later when the details come in…
6) We wait for our profile to be completed. They will present our paper profile now to birthmothers that are due mid 2015 and later. Once our Home Study is complete our online profile will go live immediately. That’s when this gets really real!
7) We wait for a phone call that will change our lives forever.
We bought nursery furniture today… a crib that will hold a sleeping and sometimes screaming baby, a dresser that will hold tiny baby clothing, a changing table that will see better days, a chair that will rock both of us to sleep early in the morning… We bought nursery furniture today!! Seemingly a small victory to some but we never let ourselves get excited with our past pregnancies. The old me that blamed myself for 4 miscarriages thinks that maybe that’s why they didn’t thrive… because we didn’t allow ourselves to get excited, we didn’t register at babies r us, and we didn’t pick out a car seat.
Infertility is a fire breathing dragon that invades your brain and takes over your soul. (see Fairy tales post). I hope all of you suffering out there can find peace one day. No matter how you get there, whether it’s deciding to use medical intervention, surrogacy, adoption, or living childless. Everyone deserves to feel at peace and you’ll know when you make that decision because your world changes.
There are more posts to come… some baby related and some not so much so stay tuned!
ps thanks for sticking with us through all this. It means the world to us knowing we have the support and more importantly, the encouragement to continue. This process has ups and downs and we signed on for that but having your support makes a world of difference. THANK YOU!